Last night, I was sorting out through old boxes and found a large stack of "Get Well" cards from my former students. These were written two years ago when I first went on disability leave. They also gave me a backpack with all their signatures on it and some Christmas gifts as well. At the time, these cards made me so happy. I was missing my job dearly and was feeling so unbelievably lonely. I had 100% believed I would come back to work shortly and all would resume normally. Just like other things students had written for me in the past, I cherished these cards. But last night, they felt cold and cruel, and I ended up throwing them away. They sounded like the words, "HA! Remember when you actually thought you would return to work? That was stupid of you." Even after writing a billion articles about moving on from the loss of my teaching career, including a recent one , I still experienced pain so fresh, it felt like that traumatic year was happening all over again.
Empowering those afflicted with chronic pain