Once you find yourself with a lasting physical ailment, navigating the medical world can be intimidating and confusing. Our country reveres doctors as miracle-workers, akin to Jesus healing the sick. The doctor is a noble position and their four years of study do reflect an admirable degree of intelligence and perseverance. But they are still mere mortals and carry the same undesirable characteristics the rest of us do: arrogance, greed, and ignorance, just to name a few.
In the midst of my uphill struggle with chronic migraines, I wish I made a lot more progress than I actually have. I wish I was in a position to take your hand and guide you on making the best decisions for your health, and maybe one day I will be. While I am still a mere amateur, I have had many disappointing experiences with doctors over the past three years. Therefore, I do feel capable of giving you a nudge in the right direction: Here are some signals that you might need to let your doctor go.
1) Your gut tells you to.
Last year I attended a work seminar and came in contact with a chiropractor. He made grandiose claims as to how your spine health affects your holistic health. Desperate for help and lured by his confidence, I made an appointment to see him.
When I entered his office, it was super weird. The colorful and swanky furniture was trying way too hard to be cool. Also there were dumb names on each door like "the harmony room." Ironically, the most troublesome part was the cheerful receptionist. When I entered, the attractive young woman's eyes widened as far as they could, and her face was plastered with a large, toothy grin. Her high voice lilted to my every question or comment, and all I could think of was, "Pipe down, lady. You work as a doctor's receptionist, not a model on "The Price is Right." After I checked in, she fetched me a water bottle-- a kind gesture, but my instincts were telling me this was a charade. (Spoiler Alert: I was right). When doctors truly make you feel better, they don't feel the need to convince you you are feeling better because you happen to be entering "the peace room." Give us a little credit.
Of course, a nicely furnished waiting room and a polite receptionist is appreciated (even preferred), but when it seems like people are trying too hard, they usually are. And that means they are over-compensating for something they are not being upfront about. This short-term experience in the waiting room was foreshadowing number 2.
(Side note: Looking back, I think it is more than likely the receptionist was married to or in a serious relationship with the chiropractor. Her desperate attitude clearly indicated that there was more at stake for her than a job that would be relatively easy for her to replace. Either that, or I encountered a real-life Stepford wife.)
2. When he's overly confident.
"According to the subluxation shown on your x-ray, it seems highly likely your spine misalignment is the cause of your migraines," he presented after his rehearsed and eloquent speech.
This was after I gave a detailed account of my medical history including a neurologist's opinion, multiple medications I have tried, my past history of stomach problems and Celiac disease, and my concerns about my diet. How can anyone (regardless of medical training) be so confident he has found the cause of such a complex problems within an hour of meeting with me? The answer is: he can't be.
There was only one thing I believe he was truly confident of: his desire for my money. People with mysterious illnesses are often frantically searching for answers like a mom searching for her toddler who wandered off in the mall. We want hope so badly that we will even cling to false versions of it against our better judgment. His greed became even more evident the more he detailed the expensive treatment and options of payment plans. I am your answer, your healer, and to deny my help for monetary reasons would be highly foolish was his whole vibe. "Why is the doctor talking about payment?" the little voice in the back of mind pondered as the rest of my brain was trying to fathom how I would muster up $1,600, "Isn't that the receptionist's job?" YES. It is the receptionist's job. This is super fishy and once again, you should trust your gut.
When I was a child, the word, "crook" would conjure up an image of the McDonald's Hamburglar. Of course, the reality is, crooks are often found in white-collar jobs; they are often the most successful criminals because they have esteemed reputations and are smooth-talkers. If you are sick, both your body and your wallet are vulnerable, so watch out. In fact, I wish I would have paid more attention to the fact that my second neurologist had a degree in business. He did nothing to cure me, but was fantastic at taking my money. This brings me to another warning sign your doctor might need to go:
3. He doesn't believe you.
I began seeing a new neurologist after my first neurologist's treatments proved futile. My headaches were getting worse and I needed serious intervention. But according to this guy, it was all, if not mostly, caused by my own delusions. Obviously, I am not physically ill; I am a hysterical lunatic.
In the most humiliating experience in my life, he made me cry. Not just get a little misty-eyed, but engage in an impassioned debate in his office with tears streaming down my eyes. It all started when he was shoving samples of Naratriptan in front of me even though I already had a prescription.
"Isn't it unsafe to take more than 9 a month? My past neurologist always warned me over-indulging in triptans can cause rebound headaches."
"Yes, it is not the smartest thing to do. But you are saying you are in pain, and this will help you," he retorted.
"If you say it isn't smart to take more than 9 a month, I won't," I insisted, shoving the samples across the table, back to him."
Still, he insisted I should just take them, even though he simultaneously telling me it wasn't smart. (And I'm the irrational one).
This idiotic debate lasted until I was so confused and frustrated I began crying. Instead of cooling his jets, he called in his receptionist to see "if he was making sense."
Then, he told me that while he can probably help with the headaches, he could not help me with my apparent emotional issues. Graciously, he offered to refer me to a therapist and acted baffled when I did not react gratefully.
Even remembering this makes me cringe: not just because it was a degrading experience, but because I kept seeing him for several months after. He actually did convince me that maybe I was just crazy-- clearly I couldn't even have a conversation with my own doctor without having a nervous beak down. I genuinely believed that even if he didn't have good bedside manner, he could still help me. He would continue to make suggestions throughout my visits that my anxiety and overall emotional instability was the culprit. The medical records even voiced this belief and even his doubts about claims I made. (He said I seemed to him that I was getting better even though I told him I wasn't.) I will give you the same message I wish I could give myself a year ago: "If he does not believe you are sick, then how will he help your sickness?"
By the way, I did see a pain psychologist for a little while. While she did believe that anxiety can exacerbate pain, she didn't think my pain was caused solely by some sort of emotional imbalance. After about 5 visits, she agreed that she didn't find it necessary for me to see her anymore. And she agreed that my former neurologist was a stupid jerk face. (I may be taking some liberties with her exact wording).
This is also a natural segue to:
4. You feel confused and frustrated during your time together.
The fact that I felt so aggravated and confused that I couldn't see eye-to-eye with my neurologist was a red flag I ignored. Doctors are supposed to make you feel better, not worse. I should've already learned this lesson the summer before when I decided to see an allergist.
After explaining my medical history and having blood work done, my allergist proposed numerous solutions that I must start immediately. My blood results indicated several strands of lyme.
"Lyme disease?" I asked, reasonably concerned.
"Similar " he responded, followed by a confusing explanation of what was going on.
(Later, I would do mad Google searches like "Lyme strands testing positive" and "Positive for Lyme, but not Lyme disease," and found nothing that didn't exclusively deal with Lyme Disease. I also have talked to a couple doctors since, and they have no idea what the allergist was trying to say).
Because of this "lyme" in my body, I needed to do several rounds of antibiotics treatment: both orally, and through IV. Also, I should take these two different allergy medications. Also, I should start a strict elimination diet: no wheat, dairy, eggs, soy, or citric acid. Also, I should get vitamin b injections. Also, I should get expensive panels for both food sensitivities and to learn more about the lyme. By the way, these panels cost hundreds of dollars and your insurance covers none of it. Here are some flyers that detail your options; the more you pay, the more information we get. Ka-Ching.
I asked the medical assistant to slow down and repeat every step so I could write it down. "Yes, it is a lot for people's first visit," she responded, trying to comfort me since this was apparently routine.
When I left the office and got in the car, I began crying. I just felt so overwhelmed that a doctor would think all of these treatments were immediately necessary. My body must have really been messed up.
If you feel this level of confusion or frustration with your doctor, he isn't doing his job. Treatment plans should be gradual, concise, and step-by-step. Which leads me to the final sign you should break up with your doctor.
5. When treatment isn't working.
Duh, why would you keep seeing a doctor if it wasn't working?
Yes, your automatic response to this is absolutely right. But let's review: Doctors can be crooks. They can be charismatic and convincing. They can be money-hungry. They can doubt the legitimacy of your medical problem. And they can be highly confusing.
Here is the one thing I learned you always should do with every doctor: Be informed about the treatment plan from the get-go and hold him accountable to that plan every visit. Bring a notebook. I would convince myself several times that I understood the plan and didn't need to write it down, but then the months would elapse and the details would grow fuzzy. Stick to the plan, and if that plan doesn't work at the point the doctor predicts it should, then scratch it off your list and move on.
Amongst the disappointment doctors I have encountered, I have had doctors who are genuinely compassionate and have a solid plan of attack: my first neurologist, my second chiropractor, and my TMD dentist were all of this nature. They stuck with the plan, and when it didn't pan out, they admitted it failed. Good doctors will admit when they do not know why you are sick. I've even had a couple of them suggest that we can try a second treatment, but that they do not think it will be my answer. These men were honest and compassionate doctors, but if their treatment isn't working, it is still time to leave.
I suppose I will conclude my warnings with the most cliche advice I know: Be true to yourself. It's generic, but it carries lots of truth. Do tons of research and give your options sufficient thought, but trust yourself in the end. Your medical journey is about your body and your life, so at least take solace in the fact that your judgment will reign.
In the midst of my uphill struggle with chronic migraines, I wish I made a lot more progress than I actually have. I wish I was in a position to take your hand and guide you on making the best decisions for your health, and maybe one day I will be. While I am still a mere amateur, I have had many disappointing experiences with doctors over the past three years. Therefore, I do feel capable of giving you a nudge in the right direction: Here are some signals that you might need to let your doctor go.
1) Your gut tells you to.
Last year I attended a work seminar and came in contact with a chiropractor. He made grandiose claims as to how your spine health affects your holistic health. Desperate for help and lured by his confidence, I made an appointment to see him.
When I entered his office, it was super weird. The colorful and swanky furniture was trying way too hard to be cool. Also there were dumb names on each door like "the harmony room." Ironically, the most troublesome part was the cheerful receptionist. When I entered, the attractive young woman's eyes widened as far as they could, and her face was plastered with a large, toothy grin. Her high voice lilted to my every question or comment, and all I could think of was, "Pipe down, lady. You work as a doctor's receptionist, not a model on "The Price is Right." After I checked in, she fetched me a water bottle-- a kind gesture, but my instincts were telling me this was a charade. (Spoiler Alert: I was right). When doctors truly make you feel better, they don't feel the need to convince you you are feeling better because you happen to be entering "the peace room." Give us a little credit.
Of course, a nicely furnished waiting room and a polite receptionist is appreciated (even preferred), but when it seems like people are trying too hard, they usually are. And that means they are over-compensating for something they are not being upfront about. This short-term experience in the waiting room was foreshadowing number 2.
(Side note: Looking back, I think it is more than likely the receptionist was married to or in a serious relationship with the chiropractor. Her desperate attitude clearly indicated that there was more at stake for her than a job that would be relatively easy for her to replace. Either that, or I encountered a real-life Stepford wife.)
2. When he's overly confident.
"According to the subluxation shown on your x-ray, it seems highly likely your spine misalignment is the cause of your migraines," he presented after his rehearsed and eloquent speech.
This was after I gave a detailed account of my medical history including a neurologist's opinion, multiple medications I have tried, my past history of stomach problems and Celiac disease, and my concerns about my diet. How can anyone (regardless of medical training) be so confident he has found the cause of such a complex problems within an hour of meeting with me? The answer is: he can't be.
There was only one thing I believe he was truly confident of: his desire for my money. People with mysterious illnesses are often frantically searching for answers like a mom searching for her toddler who wandered off in the mall. We want hope so badly that we will even cling to false versions of it against our better judgment. His greed became even more evident the more he detailed the expensive treatment and options of payment plans. I am your answer, your healer, and to deny my help for monetary reasons would be highly foolish was his whole vibe. "Why is the doctor talking about payment?" the little voice in the back of mind pondered as the rest of my brain was trying to fathom how I would muster up $1,600, "Isn't that the receptionist's job?" YES. It is the receptionist's job. This is super fishy and once again, you should trust your gut.
When I was a child, the word, "crook" would conjure up an image of the McDonald's Hamburglar. Of course, the reality is, crooks are often found in white-collar jobs; they are often the most successful criminals because they have esteemed reputations and are smooth-talkers. If you are sick, both your body and your wallet are vulnerable, so watch out. In fact, I wish I would have paid more attention to the fact that my second neurologist had a degree in business. He did nothing to cure me, but was fantastic at taking my money. This brings me to another warning sign your doctor might need to go:
3. He doesn't believe you.
I began seeing a new neurologist after my first neurologist's treatments proved futile. My headaches were getting worse and I needed serious intervention. But according to this guy, it was all, if not mostly, caused by my own delusions. Obviously, I am not physically ill; I am a hysterical lunatic.
In the most humiliating experience in my life, he made me cry. Not just get a little misty-eyed, but engage in an impassioned debate in his office with tears streaming down my eyes. It all started when he was shoving samples of Naratriptan in front of me even though I already had a prescription.
"Isn't it unsafe to take more than 9 a month? My past neurologist always warned me over-indulging in triptans can cause rebound headaches."
"Yes, it is not the smartest thing to do. But you are saying you are in pain, and this will help you," he retorted.
"If you say it isn't smart to take more than 9 a month, I won't," I insisted, shoving the samples across the table, back to him."
Still, he insisted I should just take them, even though he simultaneously telling me it wasn't smart. (And I'm the irrational one).
This idiotic debate lasted until I was so confused and frustrated I began crying. Instead of cooling his jets, he called in his receptionist to see "if he was making sense."
Then, he told me that while he can probably help with the headaches, he could not help me with my apparent emotional issues. Graciously, he offered to refer me to a therapist and acted baffled when I did not react gratefully.
Even remembering this makes me cringe: not just because it was a degrading experience, but because I kept seeing him for several months after. He actually did convince me that maybe I was just crazy-- clearly I couldn't even have a conversation with my own doctor without having a nervous beak down. I genuinely believed that even if he didn't have good bedside manner, he could still help me. He would continue to make suggestions throughout my visits that my anxiety and overall emotional instability was the culprit. The medical records even voiced this belief and even his doubts about claims I made. (He said I seemed to him that I was getting better even though I told him I wasn't.) I will give you the same message I wish I could give myself a year ago: "If he does not believe you are sick, then how will he help your sickness?"
By the way, I did see a pain psychologist for a little while. While she did believe that anxiety can exacerbate pain, she didn't think my pain was caused solely by some sort of emotional imbalance. After about 5 visits, she agreed that she didn't find it necessary for me to see her anymore. And she agreed that my former neurologist was a stupid jerk face. (I may be taking some liberties with her exact wording).
This is also a natural segue to:
4. You feel confused and frustrated during your time together.
The fact that I felt so aggravated and confused that I couldn't see eye-to-eye with my neurologist was a red flag I ignored. Doctors are supposed to make you feel better, not worse. I should've already learned this lesson the summer before when I decided to see an allergist.
After explaining my medical history and having blood work done, my allergist proposed numerous solutions that I must start immediately. My blood results indicated several strands of lyme.
"Lyme disease?" I asked, reasonably concerned.
"Similar " he responded, followed by a confusing explanation of what was going on.
(Later, I would do mad Google searches like "Lyme strands testing positive" and "Positive for Lyme, but not Lyme disease," and found nothing that didn't exclusively deal with Lyme Disease. I also have talked to a couple doctors since, and they have no idea what the allergist was trying to say).
Because of this "lyme" in my body, I needed to do several rounds of antibiotics treatment: both orally, and through IV. Also, I should take these two different allergy medications. Also, I should start a strict elimination diet: no wheat, dairy, eggs, soy, or citric acid. Also, I should get vitamin b injections. Also, I should get expensive panels for both food sensitivities and to learn more about the lyme. By the way, these panels cost hundreds of dollars and your insurance covers none of it. Here are some flyers that detail your options; the more you pay, the more information we get. Ka-Ching.
I asked the medical assistant to slow down and repeat every step so I could write it down. "Yes, it is a lot for people's first visit," she responded, trying to comfort me since this was apparently routine.
When I left the office and got in the car, I began crying. I just felt so overwhelmed that a doctor would think all of these treatments were immediately necessary. My body must have really been messed up.
If you feel this level of confusion or frustration with your doctor, he isn't doing his job. Treatment plans should be gradual, concise, and step-by-step. Which leads me to the final sign you should break up with your doctor.
5. When treatment isn't working.
Duh, why would you keep seeing a doctor if it wasn't working?
Yes, your automatic response to this is absolutely right. But let's review: Doctors can be crooks. They can be charismatic and convincing. They can be money-hungry. They can doubt the legitimacy of your medical problem. And they can be highly confusing.
Here is the one thing I learned you always should do with every doctor: Be informed about the treatment plan from the get-go and hold him accountable to that plan every visit. Bring a notebook. I would convince myself several times that I understood the plan and didn't need to write it down, but then the months would elapse and the details would grow fuzzy. Stick to the plan, and if that plan doesn't work at the point the doctor predicts it should, then scratch it off your list and move on.
Amongst the disappointment doctors I have encountered, I have had doctors who are genuinely compassionate and have a solid plan of attack: my first neurologist, my second chiropractor, and my TMD dentist were all of this nature. They stuck with the plan, and when it didn't pan out, they admitted it failed. Good doctors will admit when they do not know why you are sick. I've even had a couple of them suggest that we can try a second treatment, but that they do not think it will be my answer. These men were honest and compassionate doctors, but if their treatment isn't working, it is still time to leave.
I suppose I will conclude my warnings with the most cliche advice I know: Be true to yourself. It's generic, but it carries lots of truth. Do tons of research and give your options sufficient thought, but trust yourself in the end. Your medical journey is about your body and your life, so at least take solace in the fact that your judgment will reign.
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ReplyDeleteGreat article, Lindsey. This touches a nerve with me as I am one who believes a few things that go outside what is popular in the medical industry. I respect family doctors in that I think most of them I have known are extremely book smart, work really hard, and really do care about their patients. Their limitation is that all of their knowledge comes from books and recommendations of their practice. Do doctors ever go against the grain? No. There are very few who do and these are the pioneers of progress. That is why they call it a medical practice. Most doctors are in the practice of learning and practicing what is in the books at the time they are practicing their occupations. It's all about practicing, but not discovering. I have a tremendous respect for the minds of doctors in that they can memorize a wealth of information from their books. Their minds are like sponges and I cannot come close to matching their memories on what they've learned. They are way smarter at learning than me. Unfortunately, they learn so much that is simply not true. The reason is that medical studies cost money and that money comes from companies who want to sell their drugs. The doctors only read the summary conclusions in these studies. They don't actually read the data and make their own interpretations. If they did the majority of them wouldn't still be telling us that cholesterol levels are a risk factor for heart disease or that dietary saturated fats clog your arteries. A few pioneers who have actually read the data and understand it have proven otherwise.
DeleteThe other big thing in our health industry that is completely overhyped and overrated is medical screening. There is no study anywhere that suggests that even one person has extended his/her life one day by going into the doctor to look for a disease that may or may not exist. I know that sounds blasphemous to say this, but it is true. I highly recommend the book, Overdiagnosed by Gilbert Welch.
I realize, Lindsey, that these two things don't really touch on the issues that you've been suffering from, but it does sort of put into perspective that doctors are human. They are not pioneers who have answers to all of our medical problems. In some cases they do us harm. Your doctors who are specialists are arrogant because as a patient you are not adhering to what they have learned from their books. These are not good doctors. They are unwilling to do what it takes to truly become game-changers in making people healthier. They expect your body to fit the mold of what they've learned in school rather than being one who truly discovers a cure. These things don't fall in your lap. They take a certain willingness to go outside the box - and there isn't much money in going outside popular opinion of your field of study. That is why there are so few doctors who are truly pioneers.
Thank you for your comments.
DeleteThat's an interesting point-- that the practicing doctors are not innovators or good detectives when it comes to diagnosing mystery illnesses. It seems like researching doctors make up a distinct category, and perhaps it shouldn't be. I think practicing doctors are far too busy with patients to actually do research on their own.
I suppose it's analogous to America's education system. There are individual teachers and even individual schools that do a fantastic job teaching children. However, they are working inside of a broken system and there is only so much they can do on their own.
Fortunately, right now has to be the best time to have an illness doctors struggle to put their fingers on. The internet is extremely helpful. If I hadn't had the internet, there is no way I would have these new directions to go in. I would be at a complete standstill and probably just accept that I would be sick forever.